However, today, when I expected to be horribly depressed, instead I find myself looking back on my time with him, and although there is definitely still grief that he was taken from me before I could spend more time with him, there is also the shining beacon that I got to experience raising an awesome kid. And I know all parents say that their kid is awesome, and it's true. There is nothing so amazing as seeing something that you created with a literal part of yourself, and watching it grow into a bueatiful, intelligent, creative person.
I had all kinds of great plans of how I was going to teach him to play video games, and eventaully play games with him, and teach him about rock, and metal, and psychobilly, and all kinds of other things that are important to me. And that's part of what makes his death so horrible to me. All those plans, all those dreams I had, were ripped away. And there was literally nothing I could do.
The sight of him lying in a coma in a hospital bed, being kept alive by machines until the doctors had to pronounce him dead will haunt me until the day I die.
So yeah, today sucks.
-Zaxis.
1 comment:
holy fuck, man.
i have an 8 month old, and i admit it freaks me out from time to time. he's so fucking awesome, and I get into spiraling, like, micro-anxiety attacks when I just look across at the room at him playing with an empty plastic bottle. I feel like there's no way I could be responsible for something so tiny, and it's just... ugh. it's fucking intense.
there's nothing I can type here that can follow up what you've put, so i won't try and just trivialize it. but keep writing. it's amazing what two hands and a keyboard can do.
Post a Comment